Trauma

First off, Thanks to all our friends and family who have prayed, called, worried, helped, and those that have us in their thoughts and prayers.

Next, if you don't already know, you should QUICKLY pull over to the right (no matter where you are on the road) when an ambulance is on the road! Please!

I got first hand experience being in an ambulance and praying we got to Primary Children's Hospital quickly and safely. It is not an experience I want to repeat. Ever.

I woke up this morning, started getting ready. Brennan was in his jumper in my room, and Aidan was sleeping on the floor beside my bed. (During the night he had cried, and asked if he could sleep in my room.) As I walked by him, I saw his eyes open, so I started talking to him. He never talked back. He started coughing as if he was going to throw up, so I quickly put a blanket under his mouth. He kept looking to the right. I tried to get him to talk to me, he would look at me, and then look to the right. I asked him "where's mommy?" He said, "don't know". Truly, for a few seconds, I thought he was just really tired, or maybe playing around with me and being silly. Then he kept looking to the right and wouldn't respond to me. I quickly called my neighbor (an RN), she immediately came over. He was still slightly responsive. I called 911, they sent an ambulance and by the time it came, he had become pretty much completely unresponsive. As the paramedics were taking vitals, etc, he started to have a seizure. They stuck him into the ambulance, I climbed aboard, and we started the longest 40 minutes of my life. Not that I thought he was going to die or anything, but that I didn't know what was happening. I felt very much out of control. There was no reason for him to have a seizure (I answered the questions at least ten times)--no hitting his head, no fall, no fever, no sickness, no eating or drinking medicines or chemicals, nothing. He stopped seizing on his own, and slept til the hospital, but was very groggy, lethargic, and not himself for the first 1 1/2 hours or so. Then he had a CAT scan (came back normal). Other tests came back normal. He did get grumpy and threw up, but then perked up and was almost back to his normal self. He took an hour or so nap, then we woke him and he was all smiles. As if nothing bad happened. Because he was doing so well, they allowed him to go home. But he can't operate heavy machinery, so we drove. (Just a little joke to lighten the mood).

I asked him later if he remembered anything or knew why he was in the hospital. He said "I cracked my head open." Hmmmm. It must have felt that way. Poor guy. But, he is now acting fine, and doesn't seem to have any "side effects". I on the other hand am completely exhausted. Physically and emotionally. I have gone through so many emotions. Not knowing why or what. There are several reasons why someone would have a seizure, and we have ruled out so many, and that leaves the unknown (at this point). We have an appointment with a neurologist on the 26th, and hopefully we will get some answers. But the unknown is so frightening. And my family has gone through this for so long now. If you don't know, my sister Hilary has epilepsy. It is hard to watch her go through this, and for so long now. I hate to think of my child having to go through what she has gone through. Although it is nice to have people who understand who I can talk with and know are praying for us.

On Monday I posted about parenting and mentioned that I couldn't live without Aidan. Today, I had the reality of imagining my life without my sweet Aidan. I can't imagine. He is truly a miracle in our lives. He is so silly. I love his silliness. I love his funny faces and his crazy dancing. I love his singing--constant singing. His smile is contagious. His happiness is infectious. I love him. I love him. I love him.